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when surrender feels good

when surrender fels good

I’m oozing in moments of deep gratitude for my life these days… A life, a few months ago, I had no idea where it would unfold, or how.. Torn between two countries and cultures – being from both France and the US – my dear friend Beatrice Rosen said it to me best…

“We are from both countries and we will always need to live in both places.”

I agree.

Barely have I arrived here I am already thinking of my trip back to the US this summer or sooner for a trip to Hawaii in April. But I feel conflicted. I want to be here and now. With the incredible life birthing before me.

I am a recovering workaholic.

Meaning, I can really burn the candle at both ends and lose myself in the process. I used to work to escape my feelings ever since my father passed away when I was ten. It felt really safe and secure to do so. I could control everything at work…not so much at home.

And then I became a mom and that little man reopened my heart to trusting life again. But how to trust the same life that previously had taken my beloved father…? You just do. Arms wide open, all loving as can be…I dive into the moment Observing my busy mind wanting to do accomplish finish present create share But no. I dance under the rain with my son and the new gorgeous man in our life. We get to know him, cherish him, play and play some more.

I am craving just being deeply intimate with life.

Deeply being here…in the moment…not faced with to do lists and obsessive dreams. Just being here fully present listening…just listening to what is happening right here, right now.

hayden sourire

The soul has many ways to talk and often it is only through the cracks. Being still, feeling my feelings through to completion takes time but I have never been more calm, all loving and peaceful.

I used to suffer from debilitating PMS and a thick pain body and layers by layers it is healing. Not in escaping into spirituality or work, but in using life’s incredible beauty and magic to transmute it.

Isn’t that ironic? Life can be a source of so much pain and yet it is in focusing on the incredibly beautiful moments that I have the choice to love all and go free.

I have no idea where the current journey will take me and I don’t care. There’s a knowing I have had in me for so long. It’s what helped me one night as I journeyed the closest to death I have ever been…

I may not know how long it will take, but I will come out the other side and there, in my arms, will be the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. And along the way, I will be loved, held, supported and cherished.

That, to me right now, is how I embody being a woman. I need not rush, worry or insist on things being a certain way so I can feel safe. I need only ask…

Divine source, what’s the plan for today?

And sometimes the plan is simply to play, love and live.

Happy holiday sweet soul.

Now, tomorrow, next week and for the rest of your life.

Happy holy day.



This is how life feels like these days #calm

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