It’s been a week of culture shock and finding serenity back among kids, grass and graves. I had never felt so serene in a cemetery before, sitting under the shade of a tree among a friendly crowd of…. departed loved ones. There’s a silence that reigns supreme and the energy is so incredibly still. What was I doing at a cemetery? Visiting my son’s grandpa, sitting on the grass, hanging out with him. My mother in law noticed we had never spent so much time there before.
I replied: Yeah it was fun!
If you just met me, then you must know I find life and the material world much more overwhelming than the spiritual realm. I manage much more easily among energies, chakras, departed loved ones and angels. I’m only 31 years old so I hope to live a lot longer fully alive. And in fact the more I release my fear of dying, the more alive I feel and the closer I am to going all the way for all of my dreams comes true. Until I try to sign up for internet service at the angel house I moved into this week and the whole experience felt very un-magical to me. Too many choices were leaving me confused. So I gave up. I don’t believe in doing difficult. If something is suppose to happen, it’s suppose to be really effortless and fun. And so whenever I hit a road block I let go and let Magic take care of it. If I am trying to figure it out, then I need to let go and take care of me and the answer always ends up showing up.
Showing up it surely did.
Less than 24 hours later, the door bell rings. I looked through the peephole and saw two young people waving at me. They looked like leprechauns in their green shirts. I was on the phone so I quickly asked them what they were selling.
Internet service. We’re here to help you save money and offer you discounts on new service.
Magic. Thank you for showing up again. I was on the phone with a client partying into freedom so I told them to come back later. They did. Not once, but twice more. We sat outside. They had been working under a hot sun all day. I felt their pain. I too used to go door to door to canvas during an election year, helping Las Vegas residents register to vote. This was many moons ago but I am happy I did it. I learned about selflessness and greeting people. It made me get out of my shell. I had many of those jobs that left me feeling confused about my life purpose, as though I may be heading in the wrong direction when in truth, I was only there to learn.
I felt an immediate connection with the young girl. A freshman in college who already switched majors. “This is not what she’s here to be doing”, I thought to myself. But it’s a good experience. She was real. Not trying to sell me, just very real.
I could feel her frustration. What am I doing with my life? If only she knew how many times we’ve all been there, in situations that leave us thinking…. “WTF am I doing here….Again!?” before we finally surrendered and asked for help – the right help – and received the guidance that would light a torch on an often long and confusing path.
The help always come.
“You were on the phone with a client for 2 1/2 hours!?” She asked. “I couldn’t do that!” The sun was setting. We were all sitting down so I decided to be real with her:
“You know I am doing what I love so I didn’t even feel the 2 and half hours go by. I love my job.”
She asked me what I did exactly. I answered her in broad strokes (I wasn’t going to explain I was partying into freedom with a client) but along the line of intuitive therapy work. “Wow I wish I had your job. You get to work from home and be on the phone. ”
“Yeah I love my job.” “So did you go to school for it?”
I could see her mind trying to figure out how I got to do what I do.
I read between the lines. She didn’t really want to know how I got there, she wanted to know how she could find the flow in her life.
“Yeah I went to college. But most people don’t end up doing what they go to school for you know. What helped me was using intuition and experiences along the way to get to do what I do.” It landed on her and her eyes started to sparkle. When I crack open the door to truth, someone either turns a deaf ear or wants more.
We were waiting to get my application for internet approved over the phone so we kept chatting right along. She tells me it’s so hard to know what to study at college.
“I switched majors already,” she tells me. In her first semester. I saw myself in her, although I never switched majors, I definitely switched interests after college many times. So I gave her something to think about:
“The key is asking the little girl in you because she knows exactly what she wants to do. You may have forgotten along the way, but ask your inner child, she knows. She nodded. I let her take it in. I could still see her mind focusing outward on the world, trying to figure out how to get other’s approval, material security and do what she loved.
What could that be? “You know what happens”, I felt comfortable adding:
Along the way you listened to what other people told you you had to do. So you forgot to listen to the still voice within. So start within. You go inward. You listen to yourself again. You learn to be there for you.
That makes so much sense, she replies. You’re right.
Her smile brightened, as though she had found the light. Since I was on peaceful high from my session, I just kept going:
The key is to believe the little girl in you when she tells you what she wants because at first you’re going to want to deny it, it’s going to feel impossible, it’s going to seem too big and crazy at first. But trust her. She knows it’s possible because it is.
“That makes sense.” She continued soaking it in.
Then the challenge is not to let other people’s doubts get to you because at first when you try something completely new, you’re going to have loved ones tell you it’s not possible. They are going to doubt in your decisions. But you stick to you and what you feel. Once they see you doing what you love, then they’ll understand why you made that decision.
“Yeah they’ll just see how happy you are then”, she agreed.
But at first it won’t be easy. They won’t see you glow on the first day.
You know it’s like a baby bird learning to fly. It’s messy at first and then it takes off. Don’t tell anyone that doubts in you at first.
” Yeah they’ll be wanting to break my wings then.”
Yes. Break your wings. Exactly.
She was carrying a heavy burden on her shoulders.
You just do your best to believe in the choices you make and life will always bring you proofs you made the right choice.
Yeah that’s it.
I get it. Listen to my inner child believe it’s possible, let her guide me take one step at a time. If I had one advice to all young freshman in college I would tell them’
Stop looking ahead so much. Just be here now. Let your mind focus in the now because only in the now can you make the right intuitive decision and find the road to doing, living, creating what you love.
I’ll be honest, I still keep a list of moments when life shows me I made the right choice in life just to prove my fear wrong once in a while.
So it’s days like today (and Thursday and Wednesday, but not Tuesday) when life shows me I made the right decisions:
When my son spent the day with his dad on fathers’ day and they had such a great time and I had the whole day to pamper myself and relax.
When I come home to my son telling me all about his day half in french and half in gibberish baby talk and I melt in awe of him.
When his father’s eyes light up that he gets to see his son again.
When I spent a lovely afternoon with my mother in law, going to church, visiting my son’s grandpa at the cemetery, then going for sushi and the park… all flowing in a state of bliss
When internet sales people randomly come to my door just when I needed them.
When I discover a fig tree in the backyard of the angel home I just moved into.
When another client called me to fly into freedom with me – all of these are proofs that my soul’s guidance and my willingness to follow its guidance and that of my inner child is fool proof working…amazing.
Now about Tuesday. I had one day where I felt overwhelmed and broke down for a couple of hours feeling beyond exhausted emotionally. I was moving…again… and didn’t have the energy to unpack all the boxes. I grabbed my epsom salt and 90 degrees alcohol and cleared the space where all my boxes were in (space clearing recipe in the manifesting sacred spaces ecourse)
and then I was able to get to work. I emptied the boxes and organized my nest.
I am calling forward a forever stable home for my son and I and the rest of the happy family in 2015. I know it is coming – a year of setting down some beautiful roots – but for now there are more doors to open to young girls in college wondering what they are going to do with their lives and walks to the park here in Summerlin with my son on my back.
So for now, we are here. And here is a really good place.
PS: Regarding your life purpose: None of it was a mistake and you still have time.
How can you know what your gifts are and what to focus on when there’s so much to do ?
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