It’s extra-ordinary I just spent an hour rolling around on the floor with my son making primitive noises screaming banging on everything and learning from him. Wow This feels freaking good! I want to throw toys over the gate and down the stairs too!
Hayden, I want to take all of your toys and throw them just like you did. wow
now I really understand why you do this Hayden I get it now Please you keep releasing energy you keep banging screaming running letting loose
I get it now That’s how you release all the pent up energy from your day That’s how you sleep better That’s what you were born knowing how to let go, release, surrender celebrate the day you dance you bang and you scream
I joined you in that dance for the first time tonight I joined you I rolled around and fell to the floor as you do so exuberantly I screamed after throwing a toy as you do it felt darn good I got to admit not because I was angry sad or stressed no Not because I needed to hurt or curse or hate anyone I just banged on the floor and screamed like you did
I was learning from you
Not once were you afraid of seeing your mom act like a wild woman you laughed with me you celebrated with me and we both were a big drooling half naked mess on the carpet floor
there were no rules to our games there were no don’t do this or don’t do that we threw the big bear around he didn’t mind we fell over and got rug burns on our knees (I did, you were used to it) and you taught your mother a great lesson and perhaps the world. You helped me remember we were born inherently knowing how to release energy. You see I had just written about animals knowing how to release energy, but thought no one had taught us to do the same.
Life proved me wrong.
It’s not that we were never taught. we forgot what we were born knowing how to do.
A stark contrast came to my mind Another version of myself could have told her son, “No honey, don’t play so rough. Don’t throw your toys, don’t make a mess.”
Perhaps that’s what happened to me.
When we were too wild, too ferocious full of energy
Our parents didn’t think it appropriate
or plain old exhausting.
And so we became more like them
We stopped banging, screaming releasing energy
And we kept it all in…
Until I couldn’t take it anymore.
My bull shit detector got me running away from city life and 9-5 jobs.
That never felt like my source of abundance and truth.
The god of my heart said, ‘don’t worry child, I have got your back and more’.
I am so down on my knees grateful I believed in angels and trusted them
and I am really grateful my intuitive antennae got attuned so I could live intuitively guided towards the best and brightest and amazing.
Maybe that’s why my son picked me.
I am talking a big grin toothless smile. Anything is possible in life. Anything. Someone had told me his child had come out smiling. I didn’t believe him. Life showed me it was possible. I saw him. Dan saw him. Our dog saw him over the bathtub. Life answered my question. I had heard of a woman who had lost so much blood she had to be rushed to the hospital after a home birth and be separated from her son. I had always wondered how a woman can actually die from giving birth. I, myself, passed out minutes after Hayden’s birth and had to be rushed to the ER unconsciously dancing up above my body finally grateful to be resting. God – Life – Power gives us every bit of experience we ask for.
I thought we had never been taught how to release energy and so Life showed me otherwise. I thought I was so damn strong with everything else in my life I could handle a home birth But I kept thinking
there needed to be a death of the old me before I could be a mother.
And so Life-God-Energy gave me what I asked for. I died and came back. On a lighter note, I thought Hayden couldn’t possibly be fully potty trained in one day. He is.
When I hold in mind that he is. I thought I couldn’t possibly go to France for the summer with my son. I am. I thought I couldn’t possibly create an entire online school to help beautiful souls remember their divinity and offer a sacred place where they can strengthen their intuitive muscles and meet other intuitive conscious souls. I am. I thought I couldn’t possibly be in a faithful conscious relationship with a twin flame. I am.
Deep Breath. Sigh. Gratitude. Wow. It is all possible. The dominating thoughts I speak forth as my own are created.
The deepest fears I hold within and dare not speak, manifest as well. It’s all energy baby. And my son tonight taught me it’s also up to me to release that energy.
You have a choice today. Will you join me in celebrating life? I dare you to drum, I dare you to dance, I dare you to swim naked under a midnight moon and I dare you to believe angels exist, I dare you to believe in a power greater than yourself that’s actually more loving than you can ever put into words and I dare you to go after your dreams, banging, rolling, screaming primitively until you loose your voice and find yourself with rug burns on your knees. I dare you.
Can you hear me celebrating you right now? I give you permission to go wild! not that you need it but you know just in case you needed the extra nudge go be wild we still will love you and think the world of you
Write me back how it went and I’ll see you at the Healing Dove Summer School for the Soul!